Was Having To Write In Cursive The World’s Biggest Scam?

Was Having To Write In Cursive The World’s Biggest Scam?

If you read this title and immediately started getting flashbacks to being tied up and tortured by Viet Cong, then you are not alone. Five out of 10(50%) people suffer from cursive related PTSD, there is help out there though, stay strong.

One of the biggest fears I had entering the third grade was knowing I had to learn how to write in cursive. As someone who could barely write in times new roman, this would prove to be a big ol problem for Chris. I remember it like it was yesterday, my teacher looked everyone in the eyes simultaneously, and like Squintz from the 1993 classic family movie ‘The Sandlot’, she mouthed “After this year, you will be writing in cursive — FOR-EV-ER.” My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach, I knew I wouldn’t be fit for the real world.

Not only did my 9-year-old self have to balance school life and family life(thank me for my service), I also had the burden of figuring out how to not look mentally handicapped while writing basic English. Learning how to play the beautiful instrument called the recorder did not help ease my pain either. My DBQ essays ended up looking like early findings of hieroglyphics. Lucky for ya boy(me), I was very good at history and did very well on the Terranova.

My cursive handwriting

However, something magical happened to me the next year. All of a sudden I didn’t have to write in cursive — ever again. It was like God came down and fucked the entire school system in the ass. I was the happiest man alive, but unfortunately for me, the only thing cursive that carried over was signatures, and my signature sucks ass.

My signature

Truthfully, what I think happened, and I don’t think big school wants you to know this — I think my cursive was so bad, that they had a board meeting one day and said “fuck this, if anyone is this bad ever again, we’ll blow our fucking brains out, lets stick to Times New Roman 12pt font.”

In conclusion, if you still write in cursive even though you don’t have to, you’re a fucking moron and natural selection should have taken its course on you a long long time ago.

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