Tinder: But For People Who Want To Get Murdered
In today’s social climate, it can be hard to find somebody to outright murder you, but what if I told you there was an app where you can match with murderers and they then proceed to kill you with your consent? You’d probably say “Get out of town, no way that can be real!!” or “That is definitely still very illegal, Chris.” I am of course, introducing the app ‘Tinder: But For People Who Want To Get Murdered™‘.
No more wasting time scouting out sketchy street corners looking for the guy hitting his hand with a lead pipe or the guy flipping a penny with a leather jacket with one leg up against the building.
I came up with this idea one night when everything was going terrible and I thought “wow I’m too much of a pussy to actually kill myself, but what if I could find a sociopath to do it for me?” This app is very simple, just like tinder, you would post pictures of yourself, fill out a bio of why you want to die, and your preferred method, and then you swipe right(or left) to try and find the perfect guy/girl for the job. When you finally get a match, start engaging in conversation, and you’re off!
As you can see, it’s very easy to send messages back and forth and truly get to know your murderer. Murder has never been so consensual! Don’t take my word for it though, let’s take a look at what multi-billionaire shark Mark Cuban has to say:
“This app is truly genius, I offered $5 million and 0% equity just on principle! Please take my money’
This app has also proven to be a great social app for many people. Had tough day at work? Talk to your potential murderer to take the load off.
However, Tinder: But For People Who Want To Get Murdered™ isn’t only for wanting to get murdered. Let’s say you’re in a rush and this is the only app you have open and your babysitter cancelled last minute, you can throw out a quick S.O.S.
This app will no doubt change the landscape and the stigma against murderers and people who want to die. Another shark, Mr.Wonderful even said:
“I don’t understand this app at all, how does it make me money? For that reason, I’m out.”
So what do you say guys, let’s have a go at it and Make Murder Consensual Again! Contact me on twitter @chrisbenzola for more details.