On God, This Is The World’s Worst Twitter Thread

Being a Twitter vet, I’ve seen some terrible things retweeted onto my timeline; i.e., murder, gay sex, relationship quotes, people talking positively — you name it, I’ve seen it. But
sometimes you see something so terrible that you gotta stop and investigate, and I have finally found it, the world’s twitter thread:

Straight off the bat, I knew this thread was going to be a goldmine for girls who still watch ‘Greys Anatomy’ and other cable tv shows. Our king Zach is a tender lover and has raised the bar for everyone — let’s get right into it.

Will anyone ever treat their girlfriend as good as this? Zach truly is on some king shit — paragraphs and poems? Someone please get this man some coochie.

If you were ever worried about a dull moment, don’t be. Zach may not look it at first with his rock hard abs and backwards hat, but I’ll assure you, he’ll be so goofy with you. This man is such a wholesome dude, there’s no way I could ever imagine him getting horny on the timeline.

Oh no, what is this? This isn’t the goofy Zach that I’ve come to know so well. Zach is starting to get big time horny on the TL. You queens will be getting pleased anywhere you can imagine, the Marshalls dressing room, Smiths Point beach or even your cousin’s Christening! I sure am jealous.

This one is just classic Zach, always being hella dominant and what not, this is finally the Zach I know.

In case you forgot from earlier in the thread, just like our great ancestors from the old country, Zach will definitely be sending you handwritten paragraphs, don’t you worry.

Just when I thought the bar couldn’t get any higher, he’s going to buy you a necklace with HIS name on it. That is truly king shit. Most women could only dream of wearing a necklace around with the name of their future ex-boyfriend.

Sorry ladies, but it appears Zach is not perfect :/ him not listening to very important information is something he just does not have a solution for right now — looks like you’re stuck in a relationship with a glorified wall.

You ladies ever want to date a guy for a few weeks and have him be abnormally weird about wanting to have a kid? Look no further, Zach will creepily pull up photos of babies and ask to babysit with you. Definitely not a pedophile!

Alright I gotta end it after that one, we may have to make a citizens arrest on that man. There’s still somehow many more terrible tweets in that thread if you guys want to check them out!

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About Chris Benzola

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