I Don’t Understand Math

I Don’t Understand Math

Hello again everyone, after some much needed time off, I am finally back. Not because I am any less busy, but because I am studying for my calc test tomorrow, and I don’t get any of it. It truly blows my mind than any one man(or woman) can be good at this. Math is probably the only thing that makes sense, yet I don’t understand any of it, therefore, I understand nothing.

As I sit here with one semester of college left(finally), I am completely dumbfounded by calculus. Sir Isaac Newton is credited with the invention of calculus, and I just want to say, fuck you.

This is not surprising though; growing up as a young lad, I was always terrible in the subject of mathematics, so much so, that in grade seven, I had to go to summer school, where I was surrounded by the lowest of all people — scumbags people with terrible parents. This was not a place for a 12-year-old Chris, I was as out of place as a Jew in Nazi Germany, my last name might as well have been ‘Frank’. Against all odds, however, I prevailed and got an A, things were looking up for me as a math scholar.

Me in Summer School

Then 2010 comes around, and geometry — the same subject that I attended summer school for three years prior was back in my life. The atmosphere was electric, first day of class, a kid wearing cat ears(Dan Shewzik) and huge headphones walked in, I knew instantly that this was going to the weirdest class of life. Day three of class, he was thrown out for not taking off his headphones, but it was strange because he pretty much dared my poor teacher to do it, I was shook, but I digress. Even with all of the absurdity going on, I thought to myself “This shouldn’t be so bad, I know I can do well, I’m super smart.” Although confident, I was super stoic. I ended up passing the class, but unfortunately for me, I failed the regents, so back to summer school for me to retake the geometry regents(fuck me, right?). However, this Cinderella story didn’t have such a feel good ending — I fucking failed it again. This fucked me from there on out, because I then had to take all the dumb remedial math classes the rest of high school.

My math class(googled ‘man in cat ears’, and lots of porn came up for it)

This didn’t have much affect on me once I enrolled in college, I told myself I would never suck the long dick of mathematics ever again, my solution — just never take any math classes ever again, and instead take science classes. I completely thought I outsmarted the system, I would never have to make a fool out of myself ever again, until — I decided to switch my major to computer programming. Man oh man, as a lad who was mentally retarded uninspired in math, did I have myself a challenge. Luckily for me, instead of getting fucked by math, I did the fucking, getting an A in algebra and a B in pre-calc(I didn’t retain any information from either of those classes), things were looking up for me.

Me in low level college math classes

Fast forward one(1) year later, and Sir Isaac Newton’s calculus is revealing who I really am — a big phat phony. I have been practicing problems all week and I’m still mind blown by all of the dumb shit you’re allowed to do. It’s like the old saying goes “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it suck its own dick”- Me. In that example, I’m the horse.

Alright, enough procrastinating, thanks for reading everybody, please send me your thoughts and prayers for tomorrow.

Me writing out my math problems

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