Should We Stop Paying Fast Food Employees?
For years, fast food employees have been on the receiving end of childish, poorly thought out jokes due to their shit wages and even shittier mandatory uniforms. As long as I can remember, the term “working at McDonald’s” have been synonymous with holding an awful job that nobody ever strives to possess.. but I have a proposition. Let’s cut the problem off at the root and simply fire all fast food employees.
Okay, hear me out. I know that this stance might initially sound wrong, but in actuality it can be a win-win for everyone. How’s that? Well, former fast food employees will no longer be mocked, yelled at by drunk customers, or be on the receiving end of cruel jokes ever again. Along with this, since the fast food chains will no longer have to pay wages to any employees, the prices of their delicious GMO-produced food will be even cheaper!
For those of you who are still not getting this, I’ll elaborate some more on why this will be beneficial. Now that we don’t have any employees working at our local Mickey D’s, we’ll need to take the necessary steps towards automating everything. We have now just eliminated 1. Fucked up orders, 2. Human interaction (which would be great because 9/10 times I find myself at McDonald’s I’m high as giraffe pussy, or so damn hungover that the average person would get drunk off of one whiff of my breath. At times like these, human interaction isn’t ideal). And 3) The Millions of dollars spent on wages.
With that leftover capitol, we can bring back the fabled “Dollar Menu”. Let’s take it back to 2010 folks. There you are, walking into your nearest fast food establishment and you pimp your tray the fuck out for $4.67, after tax! You probably just ordered two McGangbang’s and you know you’re just moments away from masticational bliss. Life is good. Now, if you were to place that same order today, it will run you about $10. Fuck that! I’d rather just pay another 2 bucks and hit Five Guys!
Let me paint another picture for you. There you are.. on you’re way home after a long hard days work of manual labor, and you decide to slide thru the drive-thru of your favorite fast food spot. You pull up to the screen, place your order to some half-wit that keeps cutting you of halfway through your sentences, then drive up and grab your delicious meal. You don’t think to check the bag, because who fucks up on four items. But, sure-as-shit.. You get home, open up that bag, only to emotionally possess the same disappointment that I see in my mother’s eyes every time she looks at me. There’re only three sandwiches in there. In a complete fit of rage, you probably don’t go back to the drive-thru.. but instead just eat it and complain to whoever is nearby like the rest of us.
I’m calling for a change. You don’t have to be with me, and more than likely than not you’re against me. Fine, totally fair. But, before you label me a bigot. I ask you this. Would you rather someone be paid $10/hr. to fuck up your order? Or, would you rather see someone feed their family for $10? Be the bigger person, let’s put thousands of people out of jobs. Bring back the dollar menu and all of it’s nostalgia along with it.