After a long weekend of binge-drinking, it seems that I have begun to come down with a cold. Now, who’s fault is this? Certainly not mine. I’ll tell you why. The unfortunate reality seems to be that I was gifted with this slight post-nasal drip and minor-cough from one of my closest friends that I spent the entire weekend with. When I contacted this “friend”, (who will go unnamed) on Wednesday night, in hopes of going out and drinking on another glorious Thanksgiving Eve, he informed me that he was feeling a bit under-the-weather, but nevertheless he would still be making an appearance. I immediately shot down this notion that I would be associating myself with someone who was feeling sick, but to my dismay I was still forced to spend my entire Holiday weekend with this sick, disgusting man.
And it is for this very reason that I am writing this article: Sick People Should Not Be Allowed in Public.
Now, I have been preaching this narrative for years, and will do so for however many days I have left on this planet. Note that I said “days”, as by the way that I am currently feeling, my days are numbered. Yes, I believe that laws should be put in place that require sick people to be banished to their germ-infested homes, and if I was to ever run for public office this would surely be my primary platform and talking point. I have been inconvenienced far too many times by other people’s inability to just stay the fuck indoors while they’re sick. During this time of the year you seemingly can’t go out anywhere in public without having someone looming over your shoulder in the midst of a coughing-fit. And don’t even get me started about the disgusting, disease-riddled people who ride the trains or buses. At this point, it pretty much seems like a requirement to be carrying the flu or some other contagious ailment if you’re hoping to ride any form of public transportation. I can’t remember the last time I took the train into the city and wasn’t forced to sit next to someone who was coughing like they’ve got worked in a coal mine for their entire life. Honestly, I’m starting to think that all those people in Asian who are constantly wearing medical masks over their faces, might actually be onto something. These guys got the right idea, because coming in contact with sick people often leaves me, an innocent traveler, to become bed-ridden shortly after an interaction with said vile creature, and more often than not, forced to chug DayQuil down like it’s boxed wine in a college dorm.
In conclusion: If you have a slight cough, a mild-fever, or any cold-like symptoms, just do yourself (and more importantly, Me) a favor, and stay the fuck home.