After a few week hiatus from this segment, I decided that I must bring it back. Twitter has truly been bringing me to my tipping point the past few weeks, and I gotta address these shitty posts and let out my anger before it takes anymore of a mental toll on me.
Dear future wife, I hope you’re a Black Friday shopper so I can just give you my hunting list and my card and let you cut out in ya Range Rover with all ya shopping buddies so I ain’t gotta go. love ya wifey. See your fine ass in a few years🤪
— Zach (@zach96brown) November 23, 2018
Let’s start out with this gem from @zach96brown. This tweet is already up there on the all time “Please ma’am may I have some coochie” posts. Not only does this tweet fucking suck, he doesn’t even have a girlfriend, let alone a wife, and he’s already hoping that his future wife has terrible spending habits. The sole purpose of this tweet was so he can have a bunch of girls in his replies saying “oh my god yassssss, where are guys like you these days.” And then the “See your fine ass in a few years” closing statement truly makes this a terrible post, when will we get past objectifying women smh.
I can’t wait for the day I decide to hop in my car with my family and put Mo Bamba on and my wife and I look into each other’s eyes and yell, “I GOT HOEEEEEEES” and then our kids realize they have the cool parents
— ryan tallant (@taIIant) November 22, 2018
If there’s anything that goes together more than peanut butter and jelly, it’s dudes with shirtless twitter pics and terrible tweets. Our good friend Ryan here thinks that when he is in his mid 30s, that him and his wife are going to still be listening to Mo Bamba and then screaming in front of their poor children “I got hoessssss” If my parents ever did this while I was present in the car with them, I would jump out the fucking car and emancipate myself.
However, I gave Ryan the benefit of the doubt at first, thinking maybe this is an isolated incident, but I was wrong. Right when I clicked on his profile, I saw this here pinned tweet.
*at a party*
Everyone dancing normal, grinding, drinking, and having a good time.
*Mo Bamba comes on*
Everyone goes ape shit, loses their mind, beer from frat across the street comes flying through the window, FUCK, SHIT, BITCH, ww3 breaks out, nuclear fallout, everyone dies
— ryan tallant (@taIIant) October 28, 2018
It appears that Ryan is huge fan of the mediocre song Mo Bamba and that he will forever cherish this song. Let’s pray that his future wife is as shitty as Ryan and will also invoke Mo Bamba to get 200k likes.
my future girlfriend probably in her room crying right now. it's ok baby we gonna be together soon and im gonna help you w ur mental health
— 🅢🅗🅞🅡🅣🅨 (@cloutboishorty) November 16, 2018
Ahhh well if it isn’t the famous philosopher Aristotle using the pen name @cloutboishorty. This is for sure one of the top 10 worst tweets I have seen all year, and that is saying a lot. But after thinking about it, I thought that @cloutboishorty maybe really does care about everyone’s mental health and will help almost anyone, but then I found this tweet from him….GASP
i swear dating in this generation is pointless, cuz everyone either stuck on their ex or broken from some old shit they can't let go.
— 🅢🅗🅞🅡🅣🅨 (@cloutboishorty) November 17, 2018
What is this??? Our mental health doctor has given up after a day?!? I thought cloutboi was going to help his future girl with her mental health, but it seems if they’re “broken from some old shit that they can’t let go” cloutboi is just going to give up and let them keep being broken. This isn’t the @cloutboishorty that I once knew. But of course it appears that he’s still a nice guy and will never get weird or horny on the timeline, right? Wrong!
spooky szn got me feeling
🕷 🕷 🕷
— 🅢🅗🅞🅡🅣🅨 (@cloutboishorty) October 31, 2018
@cloutboishorty is extremely horny on the timeline.
And finally onto Ty Daddy(Hell Yeah!!!!!)
Be with someone who can be your Saturday night date and Sunday morning date to church.
— Ty Daddy⚡️ (@THH_25) August 26, 2018
What a respectable young man on Twitter, it seems all Ty Daddy wants is church on Sunday.
Church dates will always be the best kind of dates.
— Ty Daddy⚡️ (@THH_25) April 1, 2018
There’s no way that a man like this would ever do anything to disrespect women or be weird, he just loves church and god so much. But wait…what’s that?
Marry the ass, buy the tits.
— Ty Daddy⚡️ (@THH_25) September 21, 2018
Say it aint so Ty Daddy, I thought you were going to be twitter’s shining example on how to respect women, this has to be the only time you’ve done this.
Yogo pants SZN!! All you big booty girls bust em out.
— Ty Daddy⚡️ (@THH_25) October 26, 2018
NOOOOOO!!!! Just when you think you know a guy, he goes and let’s you down 🙁 At least he doesn’t have a daughter or anything.
— Ty Daddy⚡️ (@THH_25) July 7, 2018
Oh fuck, he does!!! This man is a shining example of what we should all strive to be when we have a daughter, just hop on the timeline talking about big booty girls in yoga pants. Then I saw this next tweet though, and realized that he’s probably a scientist (Thank God).
The sassier she is, the bigger that ass.
— Ty Daddy⚡️ (@THH_25) November 12, 2018
Ty Daddy has finally regained my trust with this thought provoking science.
Welp that’s it for this week folks. In conclusion, fuck this website.