Shut The Fuck Up, Dude(pt.1)

Not only am I doing God’s work in rounding up the best movie trailers each week, I’m also rounding up the worst tweets I see on my fucking timeline every week(you’re welcome).  All of these are mostly going to be from viral accounts, because they’re not real people and juice up their numbers for likes and retweets — so I don’t feel bad about this.  I’ve been wanting to this segment for a while and now I’m finally doing it, so let’s go.


Holy shit, this tweet is so true!! You know how many fucking movies have based on a true story before the move starts? A shitload.  Obviously the movie is about to get “real” when they state that, you know why? Because it is fucking real — and they don’t make movies based on true stories if the story fucking sucks. So fuck this kid.


My man Daniel over here getting real deep about love on the timeline, and I have one thing to say about that, and it’s going to be a common theme — shut the fuck up, dude.  This kid’s whole timeline is him tweeting shit like this, like bro — I hope she sees it.  He’s also very brave about not caring if he sounds corny or not, I very much admire this man’s service to our country.


176,000 retweets!!! I cannot fucking believe — 176,000!!! I don’t know if I have the best sense of humor of anyone that has ever lived, or if everyone on the twitter fucking sucks — I’m going with the ladder on that one.  This joke fucking stinks.  It’s not funny — and the fact 176k people found this tweet so funny that they just had to let their followers know about it, pisses me off.  I know it’s also because people on social media for some reason have to prove that they’re obsessed with chicken fingers.


I can’t believe my man Daniel is making another fucking appearance on this list! What an honor.  Some may say(Daniel) that I’m “geeking” over his page this week, and I can’t lie — I am.  This kid must be the most socially neglected person of all time.  And apparently, 168,000 people have the same problems as this kid, it’s fucking wild.  Imagine 20 years from now, your kids are scanning through your old twitter and see this? I would lose all respect for my father immediately.


How?!?!?!? How the fuck does this go viral?? “You not even you anymore” Shut the fuck up, dude.  “Damn, I can’t believe you changed over the ample amount of time that I’ve known you — that’s wild and you’re totally the problem, not me.”  I’ve come to the conclusion that every single person on twitter is exactly the same and are emotionally unstable — but not unstable that it’s a problem, but surface-level unstable where they think their retweets are going to change somebody.

Thanks for reading everyone, I’m already extremely pumped for next week, so don’t keep retweeting these terrible tweets.

About Chris Benzola

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