Tiger Woods is BACK

Perkins’ and Denny’s waitresses watch out because Tiger Woods is officially back after winning the Tour Championship in Atlanta yesterday. Below average tips and lot of shagging will be commencing now that the big cat is winning tournaments again. Entering Sunday with a 3-stroke lead, Woods played safe, smart golf to win at -11, 2 strokes over Billy Horschel. It was a trip down memory lane albeit 5 years ago when Tiger last won a PGA event. The crowds were back in full force almost stampeding Woods and playing partner Rory McIlroy on their way up to the 18th green. Tiger had a savvy par save on 17th just before to enter the easy par 5 18 up 2 strokes. A blistering drive allowed a nice shot into the green that found the greenside bunker. After putting it 10 feet away he needed to 3 putt to win his first event in over 5 years. As he tapped in for his par and a final round 71, he took a moment to collect himself and raised his arms in the air, completing one of the greatest sports comebacks in recent memory.

No one and I mean no one moves the needle like Tiger Woods, and this Sunday reinforced that. Throngs of people were following his every shot, even with football going on, most people were focused on Tiger. This really is one of the greatest comebacks, barely being able to walk the last 3 years, being in too much pain to even ride in a golf cart, to winning the last event of the PGA season. I know there were only 30 people in it, but it was the 30 best golfers in the world all playing at their very best, so fuck you, this was impressive. The man was the very best at his craft for over a decade, one of the most dominating athletes the world has ever seen. Only 90s kids will remember the Tiger that shit on his opponents and won by sheer intimidation, his colleagues knowing they were never good enough. He inspired this generation of young golfers and mentored them, not knowing this day would come when he would be back on top.

Yeah he’s a shitty guy who doesn’t tip and makes the other Navy SEALs pay for their own meals, but he’s the greatest golfer ever and that means something. I’d rather be addicted to sex than not have any at all, so who’s the real bad guy? Not him, well maybe him if you’re his wife/girlfriend, but not him for the casual sports fan.

Tiger is BACK and at the Ryder cup this week, Paris is going to bend over for him. USA by a million.

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