Teachers Are First Ballot Finesse Hall Of Fame

In America, millions of people attend college every year, some for noble professions and some for professions that they have no interest for and are only in it for the money.  However, no job gets glorified more than being a teacher.  Everyone who has, and is becoming a teacher, deserves first ballot finesse hall of fame.

Teachers have convinced everyone that they are hardest working people on the whole planet.  In reality they finessed their fucking work schedule to 180 days a year and all summer off.  Imagine working a job where for three months out the year you’re not working? That is absurd.  While I’m doing the bare minimum at my job and drinking all summer, teachers are doing no work, vacationing and drinking, that by itself is hall of fame worthy. For all the people that are going to say “But Chris! what about creating lesson plans to get through to the kids?!?!” Fuck you, you can make one lesson plan and use it for the rest of your life.  I’m sure the first year teaching is relatively difficult, I’ll give you that, but after that, you have everything you ever need.

Back in my grade school days I also thought my teachers were the smartest people to ever lace up dress shoes and that they could do no wrong.  Since knowing many people that are now becoming teachers,  I have come to the realization that teachers are not only that smart, they are also huge alcoholics.  I mean hey, if I only worked for 180 days a year I’d be a raging alcoholic too.  The only reason parents let their kids in the same room as these irresponsible adults is because they don’t wanna fucking teach their kids.

This next finesse though really pisses me off, convincing people that teaching kids is their passion.  This is absolute bullshit, there is no way in fucking hell you actually like teaching kids.  I’m sure you really love trying to teach loud reckless mini people who love fucking with you.  I’m just thinking about how much of an asshole I was to my teachers and how I would have killed myself.  That’s the one thing I do give teachers credit, is not killing at least one student every year.  If I have to go on facebook and see another teacher in training post a quote about how being a teacher is so rewarding when only one in every 1000 students appreciates your teachings, I’m going to freak out.

If you don’t feel like teaching for a few days, you literally just put on a movie.  My 12th grade health teacher made us watch I Love You, Beth Cooper and Shutter Island.  Neither of these movies had any fucking correlation to health.  I think he just went to the library and rented two movies he wanted to see, but only had time to watch them during class, talk about finesse.

To any teacher who wants to get mad about these truth bombs I’m dropping, don’t.  There’s nothing wrong with finessing the world, you literally get to down in history with the greatest finessers the world has ever seen; Jesus, Houdini, Leonardo Dicaprio’s character from Catch Me If You Can and L. Ron Hubbard.  If I could be mentioned in the same sentence as those guys at some point in my lifetime, I’d know I was doing something right.




About Chris Benzola

kill me

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