It’s a Friday afternoon and as I eagerly count the minutes until I have to sit in Hamptons traffic on the LIE a question arose in my attention deficit mind. Would newly appointed Correction’s Officer Steve Consiglio have the ability to stop the greatest prison breakout in recent history? Michael Scofield and 7 others broke out of Fox River penitentiary for a variety of reasons but the one that mattered was Scofield was played by Wentworth Miller. Miller had come out as gay after the show in a brave attempt to keep the show’s integrity. If he had come out during the show you’d get the creative “Scofield would’ve never have left that prison” or “He wanted to be in there to drop the soap” jokes that I find very distasteful. Let’s go balls deep into some of the situations Steve would’ve faced in trying to stop this plot.
Scofield’s Tattoos were a map – Now I’m going to be honest here, no way Steve would’ve figured this one out. How could you know that mess of body ink was actually the blueprints to the facility. Steve would’ve took one look at that and tried to hook up with him. Scofield the character wasn’t a switch hitter however so he would have politely declined the invitation. Steve quietly keeps walking through the cell block hiding the hurt he felt but knows that rejection is just part of the job. He goes home that night and gets a secret tattoo on his ribs that say “Only the Strong Survive” in ancient Cuneiform script. He goes to sleep that night not knowing that Scofield is poking around in the bowels of the prison plotting his next move. Scofield 1 Steve 0.
Scofield and Burrows are actually brothers – Now this is something Steve would have definitely seen coming. He has an acute eye for siblings, and his nickname in the academy was “Facial Recognition Steve”. As he perused in the yard during break time he surely would’ve noticed Scofield talking to Burrows. He would saunter up to them wondering if Scofield was mentioning his advances on him the night before. Quietly lifting his shirt up to show his new tattoo, Scofield and Burrows back away ever so slightly. “Wow boss, nice tattoo” Scofield whispers to Steve, “What does it mean”. “Don’t worry about it Michael”, Steve confidently says as he walks by. It’s a rush of dopamine as he secretly plays hard to get. Unbeknownst to him, he successfully stopped Scofield and Burrows from talking and ties up the score. Steve 1- Scofield 1.
Scofield isn’t actually diabetic – this is one of the tougher ones to predict. Steve isn’t as versed in the endocrine system as he is in facial recognition. As we know because I’m about to spoil it, Michael pretended to be diabetic to get into the medical office where he planned to climb through the vent to freedom. It was the only way to get Lincoln out and himself. He was also finna get his nut from the Doctor and boy was she pissed when she found out he was using her to free his innocent brother but also had feelings for her and wanted what was best for her and the general population. Men am I right? Steve was working overtime that day and strolled past Dr. Tancreadi giving Michael his insulin shot. His face boiled as he saw the way Sara touched Scofield’s arms. “That should be me” he thinks to himself and goes into the office. Dr. Tancreadi looks up at Steve and quickly worries about a possible fever. “Your face is hot and you’re sweating is everything okay Steve?” she asked poignantly. “Yes ma’am I just got done doing 100 situps”, Steve says confidently in hopes of impressing Michael. Scofield shows no emotion towards the statement so Steve presses on. “I’m just not convinced this man actually has diabetes” Steve responds in the hope of breaking this fling up. Scofield looks up at Steve with the passion and disgust of a village in Ghengis Khan’s path. “How dare you question my disease, after I complimented your tattoo nonetheless” seethes Scofield. Steve struggles to keep his composure because truthfully he did appreciate the compliment. After more heated exchanges, Steve storms out and Dr. Tancreadi is intrigued. She runs a blood test on Michael again and finds that Steve was telling the truth, the diabetes was a scam. He was actually HIV positive but there was no trace of diabetes anywhere. Scofield would have to find a new way out thanks to the brilliant detective work by Steve. Steve 2 – Scofield 1.
The Guard room intentions – As we all know, the 8 convicts on yard duty were sent to clean up the Guard room. It was here they tunneled their way into the ground to set up their escape. Spending weeks here because of a water leak was part of the plan all along and the convicts milked it to perfection. But they clearly didn’t know Steve. Steve was working the 7-3 shift that day and meandered over to the Guard room. He passes Sucre and Burrows as they knock on the door. He wonders why they are doing this but needs to see Michael. As he enters the room his heart drops. Michael is in there but so is T-Bag, Abruzzi, and C-Note. Quickly thinking on his feet Steve blurts out, “What are you guys doing in here making out”. Hiding his own insecurities with that comment he feels confident the others won’t figure out his play. “You’re a tough guy to figure out boss” T-Bag says, providing some much needed assurance to Steve. Michael snaps out of his mental fog and responds, “Of course not boss, we’re just digging this hole in the ground here to escape ha ha”. Steve laughs right along as it seems the guys have finally come around to him. “Need help?” he asks in a joking manner which to his delight sends off another chorus of laughs around the room. He leaves with a newfound confidence and knows that this job is worth it.
After hours, Steve sneaks back into the guard room to investigate. He noticed Michael had left a glove there earlier on and wanted to retrieve it. As he picks up the glove and sniffs it, he almost falls into the rug. Trying desperately to get bad thoughts out of his head he lifts the rug up to find a hole into the tunnels. His first though is of disgust because Michael had been telling the truth all along and the joke he had made earlier was only funny because they actually were digging a hole. He had uncovered an escape plot however and would be recognized for his bravery. He also knows if he comes forward with this him and Michael would never be together. Steve is a man of integrity and informs his superiors of the hole which he definitely did not stick his dick in at any point. Medals and accolades come his way as Scofield and his crew were caught. Prison Break is only one season long and 14 episodes. Steve is a hero. The end.