We Get It, You Own A Boat

This is gonna come off sounding like I’m some sort of jealous poor person who can’t afford a boat, and if you’re thinking that, well guess what? You’re fucking right.

As a man who spends much time looking at the social medias when bored, I see many people on Instagram and Snapchat having a grand ol time on their boats. And if you’re one of these people, go fuck yourself. I will openly admit that I love boats, I used to be good friends with people who had boats, we would go to the beach and party it up like it was the 90s, but now that nobody invites me on their boat, I’ve had enough of seeing people have a great time exploring the deep blue sea like their fucking Christopher Columbus.

Do you have any fucking idea how it feels to be sitting inside a house in the middle of the god damn summer and have to see 20 people in a row on Instagram drinking with other boat owners? It’s worse than what John McCain went through in his Vietnam POW camp. It must be written in law that everytime a boat owner goes on their boat they must document it on social media.

Much of this built up anger also stems from meeting this man called Yacht Club Mike last summer. He was a very kind fellow who would invite my friends and I on his vessel and let us drink for free. Now that I’ve actually wrote those words out, that honestly sounds pretty fucking weird, it was a bad lack of judgement on our part. But that wasn’t the point, the point was, before we realized he was out of his fucking mind I pretty much got a week free trial of having a boat/yacht, and after some self reflection, I’ll probably never own any of these things. The moral of the story is fuck boats.

About Chris Benzola

Nobody owns as many throwback jerseys as I do

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