Throughout music’s rich history there have been a few artists who have successfully been able to brand themselves with certain aesthetics. These musicians have forever linked themselves with particular niche markets, and whenever someone mentions them you automatically get a feel for what they represent. In my opinion, the majority of contemporary music feels like “more of the same”, as many artists sound exactly alike, not only in terms of lyrical content and the topics they choose to speak about, but often quite literally… their voices sound exactly alike. Thankfully, this article is not about those cookie-cutter artists, but instead is an homage to the great pioneers who found a specific direction and ran with it.
Nothing makes me want to start digging into my nonexistent 401k and file for early retirement like hearing Margaritaville on a beautiful summer day. Jimmy B is a pioneer for artists who have followed after him with his boozey laid back beach vibe. The best examples of this amazing genre that Buffet seemingly started feature the likes of Zac Brown Band and Kenny Chesney. Another piece of praise for Jimmy Buffet is that he is a successful business man, owning Margaritaville restaurants and also Landshark beer. Both are great. If you ever get the luxury of attending one of Buffet’s concerts, likely at your closest retirement home, you won’t find a respectable hairline anywhere in sight, but that’s just fine. That’s exactly what Jimmy buffet is about, just letting go and taking it easy for awhile. What a guy. Middle-aged people on vacation in Florida love this guy, which probably explains why I like him so much.. since I’m probably only going to live to be about 45, I guess you can call me middle-aged as well. By the way, has this guy ever been young? I feel like he’s one of those guys that’s always been 50. Even if you look at videos of him from the 90’s he looks like he’s already retired. Now that I think about it, it’s probably because this guy spends his entire life on the beach getting sunburned. Wow. Jimmy’s got it all figured out.
Outlaw. Drug Addict. Heartbreaker. All these words are synonymous with Johnny Cash. Johnny Cash makes music for men on the run from old John Law. He talks about things like leavin’ his lady behind, and spending the rest of his life heartbroken, which is a big mood.
3. Riff Raff
Riff Raff is the originator of the whole “tat yourself up for clout” movement that everybody like Tekashi69 and Lil Pump are doing these days. Jody Highroller, The Neon Icon, The White Gucci Man with a Spray Tan, call him what you want, he’s nothing but original. I remember watching From G’s to Gents back in like 2008 and seeing this guy inked up with like the NBA and the MTV logos and shit, and I remember thinking about how nuts that is. Nowadays, its pretty common, but back then it was trailblazing. Also, I met Riff Raff at a bar during my freshmen year of college, which doesn’t really mean anything in terms of this blog, but I figured I’d might as well fit that in. Riff Raff is all about being funny and out-of-the-ordinary, which is a breath of fresh air in the Hip-Hop community, which is pretty much filled with Hardo’s.
2. Ozzy Osbourne
The Prince of Darkness, Ozzy Osbourne. That has to be the sickest nickname of all time, right? Ozzy is a true OG. My dad used to blast Ozzy in the car when I was young but I never even knew how fucking rad this guy was was until I watched Little Nicky. If there is an afterlife, this guy literally all-in on going to hell. Bold move.
1. Insane Clown Posse
Insane Clown Posse might not only be the most lyrically gifted rap group of all time, but they’re also the most stylish. I remember seeing ICP growing up and hearing their music and “thinking these guys are definitely crazy,” but when I saw that they had beef with Eminem I knew that they had to be fucking nuts. These weird assholes have their own music festival, called The Gathering of Juggalos, which rather fittingly takes place in Ohio every year. I guarantee that anyone who actually goes to this shindig probably already lives in Ohio since it’s basically the white trash capitol of America. Ohio is like Florida if you take away everything good about Florida… so basically just take away the beach and Pitbull. ICP has made a KILLING off of targeting white trash teenagers from middle-America who literally hate their fucking parents so much. There’s emo, and then there’s Juggalo’s. Yo, I just remembered these guys have their own fucking soda called Faygo. That’s literally so fucking funny. Hey ICP, why? That shit is probably like carbonated puddle water. I think these guys saw Killer Clowns from Outerspace in the 80’s and just ran with that theme. I’m not gonna lie, I used to listen to ICP for a year when i was like 13, and I’ll tell u what, their fans might be the most loyal fans of any artist in the world. The FBI literally put Juggalo’s on the national gang-list because they’re that out of control. This Juggalo-shit is basically more like a cult, and Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope are the cult leaders, which is pretty fresh. Honestly, until now, I have never feared my life writing anything on the Internet. This article is definitely gonna get misinterpreted by some Juggalo and they’re gonna track me down and kill me. Fuck. So, for any blood-thirsty Juggalo’s, instead of getting butt-hurt how about you realize that I just spent an hour writing about how the Insane Clown Posse has the freshest aesthetic of all time. Please spare my life.
I don’t give a shit what anyone says, Elton John is the fucking GOAT. He was flamboyantly gay during a time when being gay wasn’t that acceptable, which is badass in it’s own right. Also, he doesn’t even give a shit that he’s not that great of a singer, he still kills it. This guy slaps the piano so hard, and in terms of greatest pianists, I’d probably put him somewhere in between Beethoven and Billy Joel.