Hello again everybody, today I will be addressing a topic not many people are brave enough to speak about. This topic is, the top 4 white girl social media things. If you’re a man of social media like I am, you have definitely seen these things. Somebody from a Common White Girl account or just a random girl/guy will tweet out something completely normal and relatable and get 20k retweets. It’s absolutely fucking absurd. That’s why I feel like it’s my job to rank out the top 4.
Coming in at number 4 we got Target. I’m not really too sure when the fuck Target became such a popular store on twitter but it is. I’ve speculated that it was when some normie white girl tweeted out this dumb fucking tweet.
I overheard a guy saying to his girlfriend "are you ready to fucking rage" as they walked into target together and that's what I want
— k8e (@kpfeffss) June 25, 2017
Hey listen, I just bought a 40 inch T.V. from Target the other day for $180 steal, but I wasn’t ready to rage. Nobody fucking rages it at Target. It’s a god damn glorified Wal-Mart, except now Target and white girl twitter made it more acceptable to shop there. If you ever hear me saying “are you ready to fucking rage” going to Target or anywhere, shoot a blowdart in my neck.
3. The Office
Unlike Target, this is an epidemic on twitter that just keeps on getting more annoying. If you look at the replies to any popular tweet, you’ll see 80 gifs of The Office for some absurd reason. Don’t get me wrong, I like The Office, it’s a funny show, but you can tell this is the funniest show somebody has probably ever watched when they don’t shut the fuck up about it. Everyone on social media thinks you need to have an I.Q. of 250 to understand the humor, when in reality, the humor is very in your face.
— Angela Kinsey (@AngelaKinsey) July 31, 2018
This is the type of shit that people who watch this show find funny. Almost one million likes? Get the absolute fuck out of here, dude.
These next two are gonna be such a shame for me to slander cause I love both, but the obsession with fucking pizza on social media is wild. Everyone in the fucking world likes pizza, how the fuck can you not? but people tweet about pizza like it’s some sort of competition on who likes pizza the most. You come across tweets like “Oh wow, just wanna eat 800 slices of pizza and nap all day lol, I’m so quirky” or “Wish I could just text pizza instead of guys haha”. Like shut the fuck up, dude, we all like fucking pizza. The worst part of this craze, is that these dumb tweets get like 20k retweets each, that’s sickening.
Twitter has pushed me to the point of having to slander this pick, dogs. I never thought I would ever get to the point in my life where I would complain about the amount of dogs I see, or read about, but here I am. Every other tweet or picture on instagram is about somebody’s dog, and I’m here to announce this, nobody gives a fuck about your dog. I get it, dogs are cute, I like my dog, but guess what? I don’t give a fuck about your dog.
Retweet if you have the cutest dog in all the land bc same
— Jordan Klebe (@JordanKlebe) August 7, 2018
This tweet was my tipping point. You know how much funny and original content is on twitter, and I have to sift through thousands of tweets like this, that’s fucking bullshit. If people started posting videos of themselves french kissing their dogs soon, it wouldn’t surprise me at all. Am i cynical asshole? absolutely. But is this complaint warranted? absolutely.
Alright guys, I’m done complaining, I was gonna do an honorable mentions, but I think we had enough. The one I really wanted to put on here was Chrissy Teigan, but she’ll be getting her own fucking blog soon, I’ll be writing a short novel about her. Thank you guys for reading, and stay basic so I have more things to complaing about.