Thank You, Coffee.

Coffee is in my opinion, mankind’s greatest achievement. Others may point toward the likes of “the wheel” or Playstation 4.. but every time I am met by these responses I argue that if it was not for that cup of joe, we wouldn’t have any of these inventions in the first place.

There is no way in Hell than anybody can get literally anything important done without drinking a cup of coffee prior, it’s just not feasible. If your like me, the first thing you do to start your miserable day is sleep walk straight to the Keurig (or if you have class, N’espresso) and suck down that brown liquid that gives us life. Coffee is the only comfort that can make the worst part of the day (the time your awake) worth living.There’s a clear reason why coffee is a billion dollar industry, it’s because the entire world’s economy runs off of it. NOBODY would have the motivation to do anything without it. We’re all slaves to coffee, and whether you like it or not, it’s definitely a drug. Haven’t you ever seen someone who just quit booze and is sucking down coffee like it’s water and smoking cigs around the clock? This guy’s clearly just substituting one vice for another, but I’m sure he’ll be fine.

The list for things we wouldn’t have accomplished without coffee is seemingly never-ending. I would even go as far as to say that we’d still be commuting via horse and buggy if it were not for those little brown caffeinated beans. Here are some examples of events that would have never occurred, if it were not for coffee. We would never have:

Built the pyramids

Sailed the seven seas

Build the Printing Press

Split the Atom (sorry Hiroshima and Nagasaki)

Landed on the moon (for those conspiracy theorists, it doesn’t matter what you think. Either way, Stanley Kubrick was surely a coffee enthusiast.)

Developed language

Discovered electricity

And now, this article can be added as the most recent achievement on the list of incredible accomplishments made possible by coffee, specifically a Cold Brew. Thanks Starbucks.

About Brandon Resta

Brandon Resta is a writer/podcaster. He attended the University of Tampa where he studied creative writing and film. Whilst attending college he won scholarships for his film criticism, and was the University of Tampa's Official Film Critic. Arguably his most impressive achievement to date is winning the superlative of "Class Complainer".

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