Folks it is so nice to be back and bringing you the power rankings for week 3 of the Premier League season. This was another telling week with City dropping points at Wolves and United being deader than a cadaver on ice. For anyone who watched Cardiff vs Huddersfield my sincere condolences because I think I would’ve rather been dead. Chelsea find some late magic like David Blaine finding Cheez-its, Liverpool continue to put in professional performances, and Tottenham get to hang yet another banner. We’ll dive right in and once again, if you are a Cardiff or Huddersfield fan, they might not even make this because of how bad they truly are.
Liverpool – The Reds collect all 9 points in their first 3 fixtures and continue their conquest of their 1st Premier League title. It was actually quite a boring game but teams that win, find ways to pull out these victories. 1-0 over a Brighton team that just took down United looks alright on paper but it’s now two weeks in a row of unimpressive wins. Salah had a delightful one-time finish but the offense wasn’t clicking again and it seems Liverpool have a little bit of a problem when teams park the bus. Alisson had a great save in the 89th to preserve the win so nice to see him contribute. On the flip side, I know Liverpool haven’t really played attacking teams, but the defense is rock solid. Only team to not concede yet is impressive but I’m not convinced totally yet. Let’s see how they hold up against Tottenham in 2 weeks then I’ll get back to you.
Chelsea – A tidy but entertaining 2-1 victory over Newcastle has the Blues undefeated as well. By no means was this a pretty game for either team as Newcastle parked the bus at home to a tune of 18% possession but alas it almost worked. Hazard started this game and converted a powerful penalty to go up. Bit controversial here as Alonso falls very easily but I thought it was the right call. Minutes later Deandre Yedlin, the faster than sound American right back, hit
Gary Cahill Olivier Giroud with the most electrifying move in sports entertainment. The People’s Elbow. Cahill Giroud fell like a drunk girl on ice and Yedlin actually played a good ball in for a header near pipe. All tied up, but Yedlin felt so bad about crushing Giroud’s trachea that he kindly kicks the ball into his own net and Chelsea pull out the victory. Any one of Rafa Benitez’s sides at home will be tough and to get a win out of this is a step in the right direction for Chelsea. We know what they can do when play opens up, just need to see if they can control a game consistently.
Tottenham – Mauricio Pochettino came out of the Old Trafford tunnel looking like a god damn snack and the old saying “look good, play good” applied directly here. The score line, 3-0, is a little misleading in this game as United actually controlled play for most of the first half and some of the second. Had Lukaku not missed a net more open than when Moses parted the Red Sea then maybe the result would’ve been different. But he did, and the Spurs took advantage. Harry Kane scored off a beautiful header to open it up and the Spurs just straight up took advantage of their opportunities. Lucas Moura had another stellar outing and look for him to be one of the most important Spurs going forward. His pace and quickness are outstanding and if his finishing continues to improve, look out! I think I said in my very first blog that he was the player to watch for Spurs coming in so you’re welcome. Tottenham do have a tricky stretch here with Watford away and Liverpool at home in the coming weeks. Watford haven’t lost yet and Tottenham could be looking ahead to Liverpool so there might be value in Watford this week.
Manchester City – I’m still putting City top 4 because they’re still the best team in the league. They drop points at Wolves this weekend but it was incredibly unlucky. 3 posts, one Gabriel Jesus header, one clear penalty shout, and a goal that should’ve been disallowed was all it took for City to drop points. Listen I’m not making excuses because truthfully City didn’t look as good, but I think that it is part to Wolves and how solid they are at Molineaux. They weren’t afraid to take some chances and got rewarded for one by a blatant handball goal. Oh well. Kompany looked bad in the back for City and I would look for John Stones to be back this week for Newcastle. Sane came on as a sub again and looked like me trying to dribble after 10 beers. Jesus had a golden chance after a pinpoint cross from Mendy in the latter stages but as Jesus usually does, he heads it directly in the one spot where it wouldn’t be a goal. Shout out to Laporte for his first goal for City and in the Premier League. He looks to be getting more comfortable each week and his ability to pick out long passes are a sign of good things to come. Look for City to bounce back strong at home this week.
Watford – Good for you Watford, good for you. Another game, another win for the Hornets this time at the hands of Crystal Palace. This was a solid win and I’m not taking anything away from Watford because it is a great start to the season, I just can’t wait for their game this weekend against Tottenham. This is the statement game to the rest of the EPL that they are here to stay. Call me crazy but I’m calling the upset for this one. Watford are home, Tottenham just came off an emotional win at Old Trafford and are looking forward to Liverpool next week anyway so why not? Go on you Hornets, sting the shit out of those Spurs.
Everton – Disappointing 2-2 draw for Everton this week against Bournemouth. Bournemouth still hasn’t dropped a point but if Everton want to be in the race for the top 4 they need to stop getting a red card every game. Richarlison was the guilty party for this game and that will be a big blow for Everton in these next couple of games. They still have yet to lose a game in which they got a red card but man just don’t do that to yourself. I do like this team so far and as the new singings get closer to fitness they might get even better.
Arsenal – The Gooners are back where they belong this week, middle of the table. That one had to hurt. They put together a solid 3-1 win against Dead Ham to officially kick off the Unai Emery era. Tense moments in this one as Dead Ham went up first but Arsenal continued to push forward and got rewarded. I say this every week but why aren’t Torreira and Lacazette starting? It is bananas, Lacazette is positive and creative every time he comes on and Torreira would runs more in a game than Ozil in 3. It can’t be that hard to see. Either way Arsenal still look shaky in the back and if Arnatouvic didn’t pick up a knock, West Ham could’ve tied it up. A win is a win and the Gunners look to build on it.
Bournemouth – Disappointing draw for the Cherries as well, being up a man for the entire second half. A draw isn’t bad against Everton in general but if you’re up a man for an entire half, you need to take advantage. The Cherries are playing exciting soccer and 7 points out of 9 to start the season is a great step forward.
Man United – I wanted to put them lower but I just can’t They have too much talent and had their opportunities against Tottenham they just didn’t convert. Lukaku needs to put the ball in the net and has missed chance after chance this year. It was a weird sight to see United actually attacking in the first half and they looked decent at it. Defense is the big problem as Phil Jones has a 40-time compared to Phil Rivers. He just looked like a slow motion replay running down the field and Lucas Moura couldn’t believe his luck. Smalling didn’t play much better and it is hard to win when your centerbacks suck. That’s just great analysis. Joe-Say reminded everyone after the game that he had 3 titles, more than every other manager combined. I don’t hate the move, it is one of someone backed into a corner, but he does have the silverware that most managers dream of. It just sucks because his outdated system and attitude are quickly being replaced with innovative tactics and Mourinho seems to be the only one to not see this. Can’t imagine he finishes the season here.
Leicester City – The Foxes got it done thanks to Slab Head Maguire. Good win and maybe they’ll be alright without Vardy for the next two games. Liverpool next is a tough task.
Wolves – Looked very comfortable playing against City and Neves/Moutihno in the midfield is a scary combo. Lucky to come out with a point but had a great gameplan and stuck to it. They look like they belong.
Fulham – Fulham finally came alive with a high scoring 4-2 win. As their new signings come together they will only get better.
Brighton – Bleh, didn’t do much against Liverpool and had one quality chance that Alisson saved. It’s not going to be pretty this year but a chance at a point at Anfield is something the Seagulls will take.
Crystal Palace – Not a good loss for Palace. Zaha once again gets on the scoresheet but they need offense from someone not named him.
Newcastle – Spirited effort but how do you expect to do anything with 18% possession. It’s not sustainable and unfortunately for Benitez, it doesn’t look like help is on the way.
West Ham – Looked decent for stretches and Anderson linked up nice with Arnie on the first goal. Defense is atrocious and it seems they don’t have an identity at this point. Pellegrini needs to work some magic and fast.
Southampton – Lost against Leiecester right at the end and it was a decent effort from them. They’re just not that good and need players to step up. Fuck Mark Hughes.
Cardiff – Cardiff will go this whole year without scoring and amass 17 points. Need to score to win and they don’t know how.
Burnley – Dead! Europe is clearly taking its toll on Burnley as they drop another game and let up 4 goals. Sean Dyche is a great manager but with European commitments and a think squad, they won’t do much this year.
Huddersfield – 0-0 to Cardiff is just terrible and the Terriers are in some serious trouble.
Top 4 Predictions this week
Tottenham 2 – Watford 2
Man City 3 – Newcastle 0
Liverpool – 2 Leicester – 1
Chelsea – 3 – Bournemouth 2
No celly of the week unfortunately but hopefully we get one next week. Thanks for tuning in once again hope your team doesn’t suck this week.