Welp, I wish I was here bearing better news, but unfortunately, I am the bearer of bad news. Wanting to die isn’t cool anymore. As one of the pioneers of wanting die, I have seen this coming for a few years now, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Learning to cope with this realization has been very tough.
Since I joined the twitter in the wild wild west years in 2012, I have made a living making self-deprecating jokes, and I’ve been very adamant about wanting to die. I am fully convinced that nobody has ever wanted to die before me, and no, don’t show me the facts. But now, every single fucking person also wants to die apparently, making wanting to die not cool anymore. If you make jokes about killing yourself, you’re just like any other person on the internet, and boy, does that make me mad. For many years people thought I actually wanted to die, while that may have been true, that’s not the point, the point is, that now when I make a self- deprecating joke I look like a fucking normie. My brand has become ruined, I’ve been reduced to rubble.
The worst part about this, is that none of my fucking tweets ever went viral. I see viral tweets every god damn day about someone saying something like “lol we all want to die, we’re such millennials”. I’ve been so god damn original with many of my self-deprecating jokes, and all I got was “you ok bro?”, like no, I’m not fucking ok, one of my oldest running jokes has gone mainstream, and I didn’t reap any of the benefits. There was a time where I would make a joke about wanting to die in public and people were shocked and probably very concerned, and now it’s the norm. If you have time, go to the twitter search bar and type in “kill me from:chrisbenzola” and see how long I’ve been wanting to die. I’ll throw in a snippet right here.
There’s only one logical solution for me to combat this, and that solution is wanting to live. That’s right, I am declaring right now that wanting to live is the new wave. If I die, I’ll just be giving in to what I now find reprehensible. It has become a terribly sad day for me, and normally I would say “somebody kill me”, but guess what? Nobody kill me, I want to live forever.