Bring Back Kony 2012

Hitting everyone with a little hashtag throwback Thursday with this one. If there’s one thing the internet loves to do, it’s care about something for a week and then forget about it. Not me though, I have the greatest memory of all time and love bringing old overhyped trends back into the mainstream media. Today, I’m bringing back #Kony2012.

Just a little background info if anyone may have forgotten. Back in April of 2012 some guy made a documentary about this guy in Uganda name Kony, and it was revealed that him and his boys were snatching little kids up and training them to be in his child army, and if we’re being honest that sounds pretty awesome. The most exciting thing I ever fucking did as a kid was cosplay as a WWII soldier playing in my backyard.

On April 20, 2012 people were supposed to go around town posting pictures of Kony everywhere to raise awareness of this fucking guy in Uganda, so we can somehow find him I guess? This was the most united the U.S. has ever been to defeat shitty situations for kids. What really killed the buzz for this movement though was the guy who created the documentary got caught jerking his dick in public, most people saw this as a major red flag against his credibility.

In my humble opinion, I think we should bring back this movement. Not to stop Kony, but to ask him how the fuck he was able to domesticate children. In the United States, most kids fucking suck. They’re so fucking loud and annoying, and offer nothing to society.(neither do I, but that’s a convo for another day) Kids in America can’t even do simple mathematics or keep quiet for a short period of time, and Kony had these fucking kids shooting Ak47’s. That’s unheard of, the fact these kids could even hold a gun is wild. These weren’t regular kids, they had to be some sort of super humans he was breeding. Children are one of the most disposable resources we have, if we can make them productive in society, we’ll make up all of the lost ground in technology that we lost during the Dark Ages.

If anybody knows the whereabouts of the guy that got caught choking his chicken in public, please put him in contact with me, so we can make another viral video of Kony, so we can further understand his disciplinary methods.

About Chris Benzola

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