Willyum’s Weird Takes: Going Commando

And just like that we’re back with another Willyum’s Weird Takes. I missed last week’s episode because I got blacked out and then spent all day Thursday sleeping. I figured after a strong 2 weeks start that I deserved a week off anyways. But we’re back and coming in hot with a pretty saucy take: we shouldn’t have to wear underwear.

When people ask me where I pledge my loyalty to on the boxers vs. briefs war, I almost always receive an astonished look once I tell them I’m a commando kinda guy. Before I continue, I must admit that if I’m gonna be in a situation where I know people are gonna see me in my undies, I’ve always got a couple Calvin Klein briefs on standby (so I look sophisticated). Other than these rarely worn garments of luxury, I don’t really see the point in wearing underwear. There are many methods to my madness. First off, briefs make my balls sweatier than they already are, and boxers are always bunching up in my skinny jeans. One of the many reasons I believe there just really isn’t a perfect pair of underwear out there.

Now, this is not to say that one can just blindly throw on a pair of pants without underwear and think that the transition will be seamless. You’ve gotta factor-in that going commando is an absolute wild card move. I’m a big believer in “dressing for the job you want”, so if you want to be the wild card, throw on some white pants and leave those boxers at home before you go out to crush one-too-many beers in a very public place. Now, if you’re worried about the potential poopoo stains you may encounter, all I have to say is this: I haven’t had a shit that’s not liquid since the 11th grade due to self diagnosed ulcerative colitis (definitely not because I only eat buffalo wings, nachos, 711 taquitos and pizza rolls for every meal) and I only shit myself 6 times a year max. Out of 365 days, that ain’t too bad. And on the days that you do end up having an accident, it just makes you even more of a wild card.

I may or may not have gotten a little off the topic there .. but allow me to make one last point. Based on recent studies, scientists polled many hot chicks from across the country and asked one simple question, “Is going commando hot?” and the overwhelming majority went in the favor of “yes.” Can’t argue this, it’s science. They even went as far as to say that “going commando is the hottest thing a guy can do, second to making me split the bill when we go-out for dinner.” So there you have it, going commando is even more attractive to chicks than having abs, being athletically-able, or having a high-paying job. Now, this study may or may-not have consisted of me just asking my girlfriend, and the findings might have just been her trying to get me to stop talking about my obsession with not wearing underwear, but that’s besides the point.

So, if you want to snag a hot babe, leave those tighty-whities at home, and boys, be careful with your zipper.

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