Since the beginning of humanity, or most likely since the creation of drugs and alcohol, humans have been inventing new ways on how to be fucking weird in social settings. Every single person on Earth has been in a terribly uncomfortable situation. The situations that are just so god damn weird that you literally stop for a second and think to yourself “What went wrong during evolution”. The only thing you can do to avoid these uncomfortable/weird scenarios is by trusting society, but most times, society will let you down. I am going to rank the top 5 most psychotic moves in public settings.
5. Talking in the Movie Theatre
This is something that could have honestly ranked number 1 for me. If you talk throughout a whole movie you deserve to be locked up in a maximum security prison. I understand if you talk for a second if you have a question, that doesn’t bother me, but a few weeks ago me and my girlfriend went to go see the Incredibles 2, and the people next to us would not shut the fuck up the entire time. It truly baffles me that you would spend $20 just to be a piece of shit. You have to have so much contempt towards the people around you to fucking ruin everyone’s movie going experience.
4. Uber Drivers Talking the Whole Ride
Listen, I understand that being an Uber driver is probably one of the most redundant boring jobs out there, and they gotta deal with a lot of drunk people, but if I’m fucking sober, I do not want to talk to you. There have been more times than I would like to admit, where I have had to call an Uber to get a ride to my car the next morning, and the driver does not stop talking. I’m already depressed as it is that I had to call a $15 Uber at 9 o’clock in the morning, and now you expect me to have a conversation? Absolutely fucking not.
3. Talking to Strangers on the LIRR
I feel like this one is self-explanatory, but for the sake of the blog, I’ll elaborate. You’re a fucking psychopath if you talk to strangers on the LIRR or if you sit next to someone with open seats around. I don’t even care if Christ has risen in the seat next to me, I would not utter a god damn word, just let me listen to my music and scroll through twitter for the 100th time in peace.
2. Wearing Cat Ears
There is literally nothing in this world crazier than this. If you are not a cat, don’t fucking wear cat ears. Owning a cat is fucking weird in its own right, but actually trying to dress up like a cat is serial killer shit. I’d feel safer receiving a drink from Jeffrey Dahmer than I would being in the same room as these “cat-people”. And for all the people that say “be yourself”, if you think dressing up like a cat is being yourself, than in that case, be someone else.
1. Putting your Child on a Leash
Man, I had such a tough time deciding between this and the last one, it could have honestly gone either way, but putting your kid on leash which is commonly used for pets so they don’t run away or get hit by a car is fucking wild. You have to lack so much shame to do something like this. If you think that your kid is crazy enough to run in the street that you need to put him/her on a leash, you should just let natural selection take its course at that point.
Thanks for reading guys, if you feel like I missed something hit me on the twitter @chrisbenzola.