The MLB Trade Deadline: Biggest Cock Tease of the Year

It appears to be that time of the year again.  You refresh twitter all day, put on Ken Rosenthal notifications and search *insert favorite team* trade into Google.  It’s the MLB trade deadline. Every single July you hear nothing but rumors about your favorite team making a blockbuster trade at the July 31st deadline.  However, this may come as a surprise, it usually never fucking happens.

There’s two types of teams at the deadline, buyers and sellers, and as a Yankees fan you’re used to them being buyers.  You hear every possible big name imaginable connected to them, from Andrew McCutchen to Max Scherzer and Bryce Harper, or resurrecting Babe Ruth’s corpse.  Even though you ultimately know that there’s a very remote chance that any of these trades happening, you read some excerpt from a very unreliable source on twitter saying that the teams have been in talks and are close on a deal. And hearing this gets your dick rock solid.

This is when you start looking up your team’s roster and picturing a lineup of Giancarlo Stanton, Aaron Judge and Bryce Harper.  Or you’re thinking about Max Scherzer dominating in the rotation.  In your mind, this deal is fucking done, you’re already locking in a World Series victory and searching for tickets.  But then something happens, the deadline comes to an end, and all the blockbuster trades you convinced yourself was happening don’t fucking happen, and you’re stuck with having to settle for Lance fucking Lynn and his 5.10 ERA.

 

There has never been a trade deadline where I didn’t hype myself for the Yankees to get somebody big, even though I know damn well that it’s not going to happen and they don’t need another player.  You’re just left with the biggest blue balls in all the land.  The only thing left to do is to refresh your twitter feed for the next half hour just in case a deal was made at the deadline,  but obviously the odds of this are worse than getting actual value for your item on Pawn Stars.

 

About Chris Benzola

Nobody owns as many throwback jerseys as I do

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