I don’t know about you guys, but Pop-Tarts have been the backbone to my pantry cabinet ever since I was a little girl. No matter what, I can open up that cabinet and there’s going to be some kind of pop-tart in there, right now it’s some bullshit caramel mocha latte flavor, but lets not talk about the shitty flavors until later.
I’m about to rattle off the top 5 best pop-tart flavors and the number one worst, and if you disagree, guess what? you’re fucking wrong. Lets get this shit started.
5. Wildlicious Wild Berry
At number 5 we got Wild Berry. This is gonna be the only fruity flavor on my list, and the only fruity flavor that should be on any list. Wild berry is three times the pop-tart as its red headed step child strawberry. I mean, just the icing and aesthetics alone is enough to make it on my list.
4. Cookies & Creme
Coming in at number 4, we got an all around solid flavor at cookies & creme. I’ll admit, cookies & creme is never my first choice when I’m deciding on a pop-tart flavor, but if I have to settle, or if they’re somehow in my cabinet, I’m not gonna be mad.
3. Hot Fudge Sundae
Alright, this one may seem a little polarizing. You’re either very pro hot fudge sundae or you’re very anti hot fudge sundae. I for one, think the people who are anti hot fudge sundae just don’t know proper pop-tart eating etiquette. When you’re eating such an exotic flavor as this one, you gotta stay in your lane and either freeze them, which a severely underrated way to eat pop-tarts, or put it in the fucking toaster like God intended.
Yeah I know, this is such a normie selection to have this high up on a pop-tart ranking list, but I don’t give a fuck, s’mores is a hall of fame flavor. There’s a reason every high school cafeteria sold s’mores pop-tarts, I don’t even know if that’s true, but my high school did, and I live in a bubble and how I lived is how everyone else did.
You can toast these bitches and get a real authentic campfire s’mores flavor, or if you’re on the go, you can just eat one of these guys raw and still feel completely satisfied. Not many flavors have this type flexibility.
1. Chocolate Chip
And the number 1 and probably the most surprising pick, it’s chocolate chip baby. If you’re a real pop-tart eater like I am, you realize how elite of a flavor this one is. If you throw this motherfucker in the toaster, you get that crisp outer coating with a melted chocolate chip taste, and mama mia, I’m about to go out and buy 20 boxes just on principle right now.
Now we have to discuss the absolute worst pop-tart flavor of all time, and if you ask me, it’s not close. This selection only included the real flavors, not bullshit limited edition jolly rancher flavors.
The WORST: Strawberry
I know I telegraphed this selection pretty early on, but jesus christ, what a terrible flavor. The only people that enjoy strawberry pop-tarts are the people that are gonna die of old age in a few years. Nobody chooses strawberry, you just receive it. I wouldn’t eat this poor excuse of a flavor even if I was stranded on a god damn island like Tom Hanks in Castaway and it was my only way of surviving. Strawberry pop-tarts are my one kryptonite, this is how you kill me. Strawberry pop-tarts remind me if you’re eating breakfast at a shitty hotel in a different state and they only have frosted flakes in a cereal cup or strawberry pop-tarts.
Thank you guys for taking the time to read through the definitive pop-tart rankings, I hope you guys all agree, and please sponsor cigs indoors pop-tarts.