Pop Tells Kawhi to Hold His Dick, and Machado goes to Paradise

What a day for trades in the sports world am I right. Unless you hate sports or live under a rock, which are both very possible, you probably saw that Kawhi Leonard and Manny Machado both got traded. As a man who loves sports, I haven’t written any sports blogs yet, so let’s get this started.

Let’s start out with my man Kawhi. For the past month or so, everyone has been wondering where Kawhi was gonna get traded to because he’s been harder to reach than Anne Frank during WWII, and Poppovich shipped this fucking guy to a new god damn country. What a flex by Pop, he basically said “hold my fucking dick Kawhi, have fun using new currency, and having free healthcare, and playing with a 50+ win team, and being surrounded by all around very nice people”.

Not all is bad for Kawhi though, the Raptors have a really good team with a great bench, and Danny Green is going with him. The Raptors get rid of Derozan’s contract and gain a top 5 player and a two time Defensive Player of the Year. In my opinion, the Spurs got fucking fleeced worse than the French during the Louisiana Purchase. But what were the Spurs to do, Kawhi only has a year left on his contract, and you gotta take what you can get. I like Derozan and think he’s a very good player, but the Raptors are gonna be a lot better replacing his blackhole defense with a top defender in the league and a finals MVP.

I would also talk shit about him having to live in Canada, but I’ve been there twice and the people are very nice, so nice that I thought they were fucking with me. For that sake, I’ll say Canada is a cool place.

Manny Machado on the other hand, gets to go to LA and play with the Dodgers. What a great pick up for the Dodgers, holding on to first place by a thread with Corey Seager out for the year, they get one of the best players in the game who is still very young. Fuck the Dodgers though, I hate that whole team except for Kershaw and Seager.

So there it is, Kawhi has to pretend to be Drakes friend while Drake cheers for him courtside like a proud girlfriend, and Machado gets to chill with LeBron and take Instagram pictures with him, what a tale of two stars.

About Chris Benzola

Nobody owns as many throwback jerseys as I do

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