Is Wiping Your Butt, Gay?

There are a few questions that it seems no matter how far we come technologically, nor our progression in the field of psychology, humans have and always will ponder for centuries. Is there a higher power? What is the purpose of life? And is it gay to wipe your butt hole?

It’s amazing, how regardless of the era these same three questions have been contemplated by the most brilliant minds of every civilization.

There is a sound argument to be made for both opposing sides of the debate, as all tough questions tend to possess. On one hand, a man must maintain a certain level of proper hygiene if he wants to attract a female mate, and wiping their caboose is undoubtably a bare minimum requirement to achieve this. On the other hand, in my findings via extensive research in the field, the majority of gay sex is performed in the anal region. Here lies the dilemma.

One can argue that since the overwhelming majority of time spent during gay sex is focused in this region, it is almost completed reserved to the homosexual orientation, as most females are not particularly fond of this experimental venture and seemingly do not receive the same pleasure a man of gay preference does. Even a little wandering-finger action around a girl’s rim can result in a man spending the rest of the night on the couch with balls as blue as the Santorini coast. From this we can conclude that girls are NOT gay. But that is the not question at hand, now is it. Back to things that matter, men. Is wiping your butt gay or not?

Still stumped after much time spent thinking on the matter, I questioned whether or not we can learn anything from other members of the animal kingdom. Dogs. I always wondered what was the rational behind dogs sniffing each other’s rectums, and now it is as bright as day. Dogs sniff each others asses to learn whether or not the recipient of the sniff is indeed gay, or not. One of the many marvels of nature. If only the answer was so simple for humans.

So, is the juice worth the squeeze? Is wiping your butt worth being called gay by your friends. That’s for you to decide.

Resta’s 1st Law of the Animal Kingdom: If Thou Wipe’s Thou’s Ownst Rump, Thou Is Rather Gay.

About Brandon Resta

Brandon Resta is a writer/podcaster. He attended the University of Tampa where he studied creative writing and film. Whilst attending college he won scholarships for his film criticism, and was the University of Tampa's Official Film Critic. Arguably his most impressive achievement to date is winning the superlative of "Class Complainer".

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