How do Mets Fans not Commit Seppuku?

I’ll preface this blog by saying that I am a diehard Yankees fan, but I can empathize with Met’s fans. With the news today that Yoenis Cespedes is out for the season, how the fuck can you not go out the way of Japanese warriors and commit seppuku.

Every single fucking year, half of the Mets roster is on the DL. I have never seen anything like it. Everyone on the Mets is literally made out of fucking balsa wood. They’re like that guy from spongebob who’s made out of glass and has paper bones. This team makes Derrick Rose look like Cal Ripken Jr. They turned one of the most promising rotations of all time into a god damn Vietnam injury camp.

As a Yankee fan I’ve only seen the Yankees miss the playoffs once in my life, and that was such a frustrating year. I would literally kill myself if I had to endure what the common Mets fan has to go through. For just a few hours a night, when people are trying to get distracted from their shitty lives, they have to watch Jose Reyes who might as well be dead with the way he’s playing.

Finally, to top it all off, Tim fucking Tebow is out for the season. Just when all hope was lost for this team and fanbase, the one thing people had to look forward to, was to maybe see Tim Tebow suck in the big leagues, and he’s fucking hurt too. If Tim Tebow is out for the season, that proves God hates this fucking team. The only hope for the Mets is to pray to Norse Gods that the Wilpons have a Donald Sterling scandal and are forced to sell the team. Other than that, there’s no hope for this franchise.

About Chris Benzola

Nobody owns as many throwback jerseys as I do

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