Summer is great, especially when you live on Long Island like myself; yet every summer there’s one thing that truly grinds my gears. Cidiots. For those of you who don’t know what a Cidiot is, let me quickly enlighten you. The World’s Most Trusted and Creditable Dictionary defines it as “Someone from the city who’s utterly crippled by an inability to survive outside city limits or comprehend any merit or logic in rural life or people.” Now I’ll admit, I complain a fuck ton, but I’m sure that most Eastern Long Islanders would agree with me on this topic. Cidiots are amongst some of the worst God damn people to ever walk this fine earth. They’re up there with serial killers and those people who harass you from kiosks at the mall in terms of overall cruelty and wickedness. Before I truly begin my rant, I must note that I grew up on a road that connected these morons from the Long Island Expressway to Sunrise highway, which is a necessary route that must be taken to to their ultimate goal, Montauk. This means that I undoubtably have been exposed to more Cidiot-esque stupidity than your average fella, which makes me even more of an expert on this topic. For some reason, these jerks couldn’t pick any other summer get-away; as if there weren’t any other beaches in between here and Manhattan. Nevertheless, every Friday and Sunday I find myself trying to avoid them at all costs, often taking multiple back roads and going far out of the way just to get home to the sanctity of my own home.
These people act in such an unbelievably animalistic manner, they disregard locals as inferior beings and do not display any minutia of common courtesy. Instead, they’d rather just do whatever the fuck they want, whenever, wherever. If you are also from Long Island, you have probably noticed that during the summer months their is always a spike in the occurrences of the following events: Assholes parking in fire restricted areas and/or handicapped spots without proper permits, reckless lane changing without giving any notice to others in their general vicinity, and giving the people working behind the counters of ever and all gas stations a hard time. Often times they easily be identified from their attire whilst stopping at gas stations with their trademarked socks with sandals combo. Their an over inflated sense of self importance also can give it away.
As mentioned previousy, Cidiots are those individuals who live in the city yet come out east and cause bumper to bumper traffic and extreme levels of rubbernecking as they get into accidents and cause major congestion. You get the point. It really pisses me off when it takes me 25 min to travel a quarter of a mile in my own home town. I’d rather get stuck behind a fucking tractor on a one lane street.
These cocksuckers take up both lanes in a mighty duck Flying V formation so no one can pass them in their flock of Porsche’s, Range Rovers and Maserati’s. Yeah I drive an 06 Honda, fuck me right? I wish Russ Tyler himself could knuckle puck each and every one of them right in their stuck up snobby grills.
A solution for this needs to be found, for my sanity and yours, so you no longer have to read about my hatred towards this particular demographic any longer. Yet to this day, I constantly find myself avoiding traveling westbound on a Sunday as the traffic backs up like the line to get into the Freedom Fest tailgate (another shit show). Cidiots are straight up insufferable, and as a result I count down the days until they go the fuck back home.